So far, little or nothing has been said about courtship by correspondence. During the eighteenth century authors of varying skill and felicity produced model 'letter writers' to serve as a guide to young people.
Correspondence was subject to strict rules-in theory, anyway
A young man did not start writing to a young woman without obtaining her father's permission; nor did she dare to reply without parental authority. The young man's letter to his potential father-in-law was the first momentous epistle of his life, and needed most careful thought. It was important not to sound too eager, or too lacking in passion, or to suggest that he was doing the family a favour by proposing to pay suit to the daughter. Not recommended was the type of approach made by George Whitefield, the Methodist leader, to the parents of Elizabeth Delamotte: This letter comes like Abraham's servant to Rebekah's relations, to know whether your daughter Miss Elizabeth is a proper person to engage in such an undertaking; and if so whether you will be pleased to give me leave to propose marriage to her. You need not be afraid of sending me a refusal; for I bless God if I know anything of my own heart I am free from that foolish passion which the world calls love. Probably the soundest tips on courting by correspondence are those contained in The New London Letter Writer) by Samuel Johnson, M.A. (no relation, apparently, of the doctor) and published in the last decade of the eighteenth century. According to a testimonial printed in the second edition, the book enjoyed the distinction of being 'adopted at Oxford University. It is a work which merits extended study.
Though the author is all for the preservation of the proprieties (he wrote in a day when middle-class prudery was strong) he nevertheless recognizes that parents can sometimes be unreasonable, and he composes letters showing how harsh parental authority can be circumvented when the need arises,
But first, the orthodox courtship. The young man is invited to write to the girl's father in this vein: Sir, as I scorn to act in a manner that may bring reproach to myself and family, for I hold clandestine proceedings unbecoming of any man of character, with candour and exultation I take the liberty of avowing my love for your daughter and humbly request permission to pay her my addresses. . . . I have some reason to believe that I am not altogether disagreeable to your daughter... . The daughter is instructed how to write to her father preparing him for the overtures of a suitor (in the New London Letter Writer everyone is living apart from everyone else). If she favours the suitor, she will write: 'I acknowledge, Sir, that I could admit his addresses with pleasure, were they attended with your approbation.' Two forms of reply are suggested for the father, one favourable, one unfavourable.
The suitor who has received permission to pay his addresses writes to the young lady saying: 'I flatter myself my dear girl will afford me an opportunity of disclosing a passion which it is my desire may improve with time and continue for life.' Replying, she cites her father's sanction to the correspondence, and says: I think I should be wanting both in duty to him and respect for you did I dare to oppose his inclination or discourage a gentleman who has testified to such honour and regard for me. Your visits shall be received with due respect; but I must beg leave to premise I shall never be tempted to part with my hand till it is accompanied with a sincere heart. |