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Unlike Americans, Brits and other Europeans, young Italians prefer to hang around in fairly large mixed gender groups rather than start out with intimate dates as a couple. The reasoning behind this is that a couple dating for the first time will often feel "put upon", that they have to impress the other person, and will end up spending an evening (or day) that is uncomfortably contrived and full of awkward, and somewhat false, niceties. In a group setting, however, one can be a little more relaxed and, even though there is a certain amount of contrived behavior, there is much less pressure on the individual.
The individuals within the group can become familiar with the people they are attracted to without having to peel away at the many layers or barriers one tends to have in a one on one situation. Italians also feel that the group setting makes it more difficult for individuals to behave inappropriately. The group approach to dating is also of some comfort to parents who feel happier regarding the safety of their son or, especially, their daughter than they would if they were meeting someone for the first time alone. The group is not only to protect from physical harm though, reputation plays a big part in Italian culture and the sanctity of a girl's innocence is of great importance, and most men would prefer not to have a bad reputation regarding this. Traditionally, when a young couple met in private for the first few times a chaperon, an adult or typically older person, would accompany them and would hold a small candle between the couple, which is where the Italian phrase reggere il moccolo (literally meaning ‘to hold a candle up in the air') is derived. This is now an old fashion phrase though and usually has more negative connotations linked to being deprived or cut off from a situation and made to feel worthless or useless. Best Dating Around the World |